Fast forward 2 or 3 days later to a drinking day. Woohoo this is definitely the time for me to swipe. Vodka gives fuel to the dating fire!
My thoughts as I swipe and consistently hit the “X” are as follows:
“That guy has crazy looking eyes. “
“I don’t like that one’s sweater. “
“Who is the girl in the photo?“
“You put all of your 5 kids in the one photo? Why is your kid’s face not blocked out on a dating app?’
Then it happened… Oh wait… you’re cute, your eyes seem “normal” and you have a nice mouth. Let me say I look at the eyes for “crazy” and I look at the mouth because I am a fan of a nice mouth. Who isn’t? I swiped right. It was a match. We shall name this first match “Jeff” to protect the innocent. I felt a little panicky. Now what do I fecking do? I have to talk to them? I’m 40, so in my day the man came to you. Is it still that way? I am guessing it isn’t. Maybe I don’t want a man who won’t message me first. Do people even still date? I’m going to wait this one out. Man up Jeff.
Jeff did message me. I believe it was a simple, “hey what’s up” message. I was wallowing in my left swiping and my anxiety ridden right swipe. I hate dating in real life. I’ve never been good at it. I usually meet someone nice at work or through a friend.
I felt the need to respond. I want to be as polite online as I am in real life (well maybe more polite). I sent a, “hello how are you message” in response. A few more trivial messages were exchanged.
After 3-4 messages, Jeff wanted to meet. This is when it all became real. I’m going to meet someone from the Internet for the first time in my life. That seems like a big commitment in and of itself. I’m not ready. In my sober state, I panicked, unmatched Jeff and deleted the app. Again. I’m sorry Jeff. I am, in fact, an asshole. #ikindofghosted #swipedright #tinderfirsttimeuser
Swiping left... Almost always 