Tinder Profile Fails…

So this is getting depressing. I literally just get on to make fun of people. Here are some examples:

Dave- Dave is self-employed y’all #notemployed. Dave’s profile photo is a faraway, albeit blurry shot of him in his shorty boxer briefs and his black cowboy hat. Dave does have an impressive set of abs, but I can’t see Dave’s face… or if you’re going to post a rodeo photo even the size of Dave’s dick would be nice. Obviously Dave wants something discreet with no strings attached… He then lists his interests. Listen here, Dave, if you want no strings attached then why are we supposed to care about your interests? We would just be here for the dick? I shouldn’t have to even be funny at this point. My best friend’s response when I show her the photo, “Someone needs to call Dave. Call him collect and tell him to knock it the fuck off.” There you have it Dave.  Knock it the fuck off.

Jeff- Jeff’s profile photo is a well placed shot of his dick. It’s from an overhead angle, so already it’s going to be all about the angles. Again, we cannot see Jeff’s face. Jeff what if you have a nice dick but I can’t stand to look at your face? One thing I do like about Jeff is this line, “dominant, you know what it means so stop pretending.” Yes Jeff, I know exactly what that means. Reference my first post. Again he talks about his intelligence. Pick one guys. You’re tying me to the bed post or talking to me?

I need another break until… is that a normal person? Hmmm We shall call him “Michael”. Nice eyes, nice face, great mouth (god his mouth says he can do all things), and all his clothes are on for all 3 of his photos. The man is built like a shit brick house. He’s 16 miles away. He says nothing in his profile, but I also say nothing in mine. I like it! So nervous. I think I will just leave his photo up and just give myself a day to see if I’m ready. Fuck it, I’m just going to swipe right. Oh shit y’all we have a match! I’m going to make him man up and message first. Right now this bitch is tired from it all and it’s past my bedtime.

…to be continued.

#tinderfails #yourereallyunemployed #dickpics

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