There is a lesson here somewhere

Y’all probably think my hiatus is because I’ve been blissfully tied up to Michael’s bedpost somewhere. Gawd I wish. I learned a valuable lesson in this 2018 dating world.

Let me back up. I unfortunately met Michael at the beginning of summer flying. Not just any summer flying, but the worst summer flying I have experienced. My company apparently ran out of flight attendants this summer. What does that mean for me? Long days, no days, no sleep, no eat, no life. I’m still splitting my time between my base and Florida, because my dogs still live there and they are my life.

Michael and I had a few dates planned and Crew Scheduling ruined it by calling me at 230 AM to tell me I was not going on a date, but I was going to San Francisco instead. That’s how my life is. Scheduling owns my body, soul and future unborn children.

Finally! We get a date set up. He wants me to pick the place to eat in the town he lives in that I’ve never been to. I’m mildly irritated by this, but whatever. Take it in stride. I’m meeting up with him because he has to work that night so this date cuts into his sleep time. I end up just choosing a very generic Applebees, knowing that I probably can’t eat a single thing on the menu. Did I mention I have Celiac? Yeah, so an added dating bonus. I can’t eat in front of my dates without sounding like a crazy person. I’m “allergy girl”.

We met up at the Applebees and I found the one thing on the menu I could eat. It was kind of awkward because I am socially awkward in general, but the tension was really because of the sexual tension. He of course invites me to his house. I haven’t really thought about exactly what I want at this point… I should have, but I haven’t. I do want the sex of course, but also I have jumped into sex so many times so maybe I shouldn’t? I can rationalize anything, or de-rationalize it.

We go to his house. My intentions are to make out, nothing more, nothing less. The making out for sure happens. Somehow I end up with no shirt on, how the fuck did this snake charmer get my shirt off? I went in there with serious convictions of staying clothed dammit.

I would like to take this moment to let everyone know that my vanity knows no bounds. I am always shaved, waxed, lotioned, and groomed. I do not own a white bra, or a pair of grandma underwear unless shark week is here. While we were making out, Michael says, “oh you’re wearing a beautiful bra”. Listen here motherfucker that’s my normal state of being. Is that a thing even? Making out in ugly bras and underwear? I am vain. It’s how we roll. The making out was intense. So intense.

While he was sleeping I was texting friends, perusing instagram. I ended up texting my roomie, because for some reason I was self-conscious about getting up in this person’s house to pee while he was sleeping. It was my first time there and I didn’t want to wake him up. Weird, I know but it is an issue. I have “restroom stage fright”. Laugh if you will, it’s total nonsense. My roomie had the same problem when she first met her boyfriend and I talked her down from the bathroom ledge. So I end up going to the bathroom and while I’m there I put clothes back on that had somehow fallen off and check my overall state of being. I try not to pry into the man’s bathroom, we aren’t there yet. I go and lay back down next to him.

I can tell this story now, because it was a colossal typo, but my roommate sent me a text that said, “You should get up and just go. When I was at Brian’s (boyfriend) I peed myself a little waiting”. WHATTTTT???? So I started laughing so hard that I woke Michael up. Another thing about Scorpios, we don’t tell people’s stories if we feel the story is too personal or close. If I feel like I was really entrusted with a secret, I’m going to take that secret to my grave. If it’s your secret, you can rest assured it’s coming with me to my death. So Michael asks me what I’m laughing about, and my response was, “this is my roommate’s story to tell. I’m afraid if you ever meet her, this is the only thing you will think about.” I see something on his face, a shadow of something. Like he doesn’t believe me and thinks I’m laughing at him. A paranoid thought to have, but we don’t know someones’ past or someone’s baggage. We all have it.

I saw something on his face and in my head I thought, “for whatever reason, I will never hear from this motherfucker again.”

It’s been two weeks and I have not heard from that motherfucker again. Not a hello or goodbye.

My first lesson in ghosting. I can also say, that no matter what the reason, I will never ever make anyone feel this way. Ever. It’s a shit thing to do, the ghosting, especially after you’ve met in person.

So no, not tied to a bedpost, just disowned and confused. I have replayed the day in my head and my one and only conclusion is, he thought I was laughing at him. Maybe he did me a favor. Still sucks.

#gotghosted #outofnowhere #noreason #veryconfused #itsucks #ghostingisfuckedup

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