Swimming in a pool of nonsense

After being ghosted I deleted the entire app. Just bloop and delete. It unmatched me from everyone. Then I got bored, or maybe I got drunk. Who knows which, but I reinstalled that shit. Why not? Can’t take the one hit personally right?

Joe. Joe is 37 years old and he works for the federal government. He, of course, has never been married and has no kids. What Joe is looking for is a fun outlet with an intelligent sexy woman, who would enjoy tying up and using a man for her pleasure. He suggests some fun things such as having her toes sucked, sitting on his face, using him to take out aggression or having him as her butler. He was open to ideas. He almost had me at the butler suggestion, but I feel like he wouldn’t really be vacuuming and cleaning my toilets. It’s a thought. I mean I could maybe yell at you Joe while you cleaned my toilet, but it might only be half-hearted yelling being as I tend to lean more towards submissive in the bedroom. I’m a powerhouse by day, but I can’t be that way all the time. #swipedleft

Nick. Nick is 34. He is a gym owner, he loves sports and he loves to travel. This sounds wonderful right ladies? Well Nick’s photo is of him in a pink thong leotard and black tights ass towards the camera. He has the biggest, most beautiful smile on his face. I hate wearing tights Nick, so if they give you that much pleasure I hope no one ever takes that joy away from you. Nick’s ass is also better than mine will ever be. You do you boo, but I won’t be doing you. #swipedleft

Jay. Jay is 37. He’s a nice guy in DC feeling horny tonight. He’s open and honest. Women apparently tell him that he’s handsome but he tries not to let it go to his head (his face isn’t in the photo FYI). Someone told Jay he might be a sapiosexual but he enjoys the primal grunts and moans of passionate lovemaking. So much wrong here, I’m not sure where to start. Just tonight? There is a whole diatribe following him just being horny tonight. What if I come across your profile mid-afternoon? Should I swipe left then? Does he hide and unhide his profile if he’s not feeling horny? Also, if I have to google anything about your sexuality you are clearly not for me. #swipedleft

Swipe left, swipe left, left swipe…wait a minute. Da fuq? It’s Michael. I have somehow come across Michael’s profile again. Fuck it. I swiped right. Just to see what will unfold.

#swipingleft #lifeafterghosting #tinder #tinderfails #googlingsexuality