Just Swiping the Eff out of Tinder

Let’s talk about the current shit show of online dating. I have thrown my one man at a time concept out the window. Let’s just run amuck with all the guys.

Blow Job Guy: I don’t remember his real name. His profile didn’t have an age on it. He started out the conversation normally enough. Then we discussed age. He let me know he was 31 years old and was super happy I was older than him. Guy you just ruined my math scale for how young I can date. The formula goes like this: (My age/2)+7= age of man. Then he just busts out with this question, “Can you give me a blow job while I film it?” I’m not going to do that. I don’t do filming of anything. Unmatch (but I told him why).

Alfonso: We chat for awhile and I decide to send him my number. I bet you can’t guess where Alfonso works? I’m not even going to type it out. You know. My first texts with Alfonso go well. The normal chatty stuff. I walked away from my phone during a chat with him and went to do some adulting. I looked at my phone maybe 40 minutes later and I have many messages. They go something like this:

Where are you?

Did you go somewhere?

Are you coming back?

What are you doing?

Me to myself, “what the literal fuck guy?” I was like, “hey man I was doing adult things because I have errands and a life.” I can see this is not going to work out. I waited a few days and then I just told the man my schedule was too busy and I realized that I didn’t have time to date right now. This is partially true because it is increasingly hard for me to find days off where I could actually meet someone.

There are more to talk about but just thinking about the idiocracy of it all makes me tired. It’s time for a vodka and a nap.

#tindermakesmedrink #morethanoneguy #swipingright #mostlyswipingleft #tinderfails #tinder #onlinedating

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