Spam Guy

Now that I have decided I want “casual fun” it seems that is remarkably harder than trying to date. These people have feelings and they are FEELING them. I swipe right on “Elan”. He’s not my usual- his photos are kind of “modelish” and he seems to be feeling himself a little too much. He’s not super manly, and I like manly. It’s a match. I send some generic message I cut and paste from some dude that messaged me. I’m just cutting and pasting at this point.

Elan tells me he’s fresh out of a LTR (that’s long term relationship y’all) and that he wants “casual fun”. The term sounds ridiculous but hey it seems like exactly what I’m looking for at this point. Tinder Michael really just burned me. I tell him I’m on the same page. I too, would like “casual fun”. Still hating the term though.

We text back and forth that day and he asks what I look like. I tell him the truth, I’m athletic and a DD. I feel that’s relevant for CF (I can’t keep saying it). He tells me that he gets most complimented on his mouth, his eyes and wati for it… his dick. Thank you so much Tinder Jesus (blasphemy).

Then he asks for my number. I text it to him. He says, Hey I’m from Tinder. I was like, “uh name please” (because you can’t be the only contender big guy). He says, “it’s Elan”. Let me start off by saying I am a Scorpio so I am investigative by nature (and former LEO field for 9 years ok). Elan’s photos, aside from being “modelish” appeared to not take place in Maryland, as he indicated, but somewhere in California. I am a seasoned traveler. My airline loves to send me to California. I recognize that shit. So, when he texts it is from an LA area code. I am cautious but also piqued by someone not into their feelings. Elan then says, “hey my phone battery is having issues can I call you from my landline.” First of all, it’s 2018 and my 69 year old mother did away with her landline 5 years ago. My 84 year old neighbor has a landline, but she is 84. He calls. My first thought is he doesn’t sound straight and he kind of sounds like he’s whispering. I let it go. We hang up after he asks to send photos. I am not sending some stranger calling me from a blocked landline any photos of my goods. I am not from Planet Stupid. I have tattoos and other things that set me apart from the rest. Let me not be perusing Pornhub one day and see myself on there. Can I get an Amen?

He asks to send photos. I send some innocent full bodies, because I’m thinking he just wants to know if I look how I say. Then I ask him for photos. He says, “what do you want to see?” I say, how about some photos of you in real time. Hey, send me something current. My guard is up at this point because he’s setting off my alarm bells. I’m looking at his texts and simultaneously looking at my Tinder. He unmatches me. I send a, “sorry i’m not sending nude/compromising photos to someone that calls me from a blocked landline.” He says, “no worries. Wouldn’t want you to. Take care.” Ok Mister Man. I wish I had the chance to mark him as spam before he knew I knew… but he got away. Self care ladies, do not just send your shit to strangers.  Fuck this guy.

#tinder #tinderspam #datingontinder #spamguy

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