Gregg, You Earned Your Own Post

So let us talk about Gregg. I matched Gregg one day. He’s attractive, it was a match. I send Gregg a message. Tinder always suggests messages to send when you don’t send one for a minute. This one says, “Send a message to Gregg telling him your most embarrassing Tinder moment.” Umm no thanks Tinder. What I do send is, “Happy Tuesday Gregg! You ever crack up at the messages the app suggests you send?” He responds easily enough with “Well?” He tells me he met two nice girls but they ended up being stalkers. On my Tinder my job title is “Professional Traveler”. I tell him I’m a flight attendant and he says he dated one on and off for the last year and it was tough because she was gone a lot. I can understand that Gregg, I do meet myself coming and going and sometimes I don’t actually know where I am. I have caught myself saying, “We’re in Chicago right?” It is what it is. I told him I was on reserve and he knew what I meant. He then tells me, “On call is rough. It’s basically why me and my ex broke up in December. You can’t plan anything with your partner #insertsadfacehere”. At this point I’m just thinking palm to my mothereffing forehead. I can’t get a break. He tells me goodnight, I tell him goodnight. Then my roommate and I proceed to make fun of him for about 30 minutes because I cannot understand how all these men are so into their fucking feelings. I feel like the man is already mourning my loss and he hasn’t even met me. We nickname him “Crybaby Gregg”.

I waited about two days and I sent a message asking Gregg if my career choice made me a no for him. At this point I’m not into playing the games and going through any kind of anything for a stranger. I was expecting a firm no or nothing at all. I get a, “not necessarily it’s a bummer but not a deal breaker.” He agrees to meet but tells me he has plans. I give him my schedule and send him my number. At this point my number is just a fucking free for all. Why not.

Randomly I get a message from Gregg giving me HIS number despite me already giving him mine…. I wait a day, because at this point I’m not taking Gregg seriously any longer. I’m just waiting to see how it plays out.

I send Gregg a text at 6 p.m. I am awakened at 1:07 a.m. I’m just going to post it here because you know… I’m not surprised necessarily.

Thus ends the Crybaby Gregg saga. He gets his own post for being utterly ridiculous. Ridiculous. I unmatch him, screenshot the conversation so I can make fun of it with my roommates, and I go back to sleep. Bye Gregg Bye.

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